


Adventures of TF2 x reader: Rise of the Living Bread

by BloodRose7908



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: F/M, Rise of the Living Bread (Team Fortress 2)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24130456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodRose7908/pseuds/BloodRose7908
Summary: Another successful mission it has been for the team as (y/n) and the guys drive back to base as Ms. Pauling is left to bury the bodies. Meanwhile, Scout's attempt to ask Ms. Pauling out fails once again as the team faces another upcoming problem that may put their leisure time to a halt. Will the team be able to fix this mess just in the nick of time or will they accept their fate and meet their doom?
Relationships: Engineer (Team Fortress 2)/Reader, Flirting - Relationship, Heavy (Team Fortress 2)/Reader, Humor - Relationship, Joking - Relationship, Mutual frienships, Possible romance - Relationship, Pyro (Team Fortress 2)/You, Scout (Team Fortress 2)/Reader, Soldier (Team Fortress 2)/Reader, Spy (Team Fortress 2)/Reader, TF2/Reader, entertainment - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My name is BloodRose and this will be the first time posting a story. Yes, I have wasted my time in watching "Rise of the Living Bread" multiple times to get this plot right. I have tried to stick with the personality of characters as best as I can. This was an old plot that I created years ago when I was younger, so there may be a change in writing in the middle of the chapters because I read back and fixed the plot to make it look better.  
> Other than that, I hope you enjoy the plot! All the characters and game belong to Steam.

Music blasted from a little speaker as (y/n), Soldier, Scout, and Heavy headed back to their own base. The blazing sun shined down on the empty desert road as tumbleweeds rolled around, looking like a western movie scene. (y/n) hung in the back with Soldier as he babbled on about how they succeeded from their mission. Heavy was busy driving as Scout slept in the passenger seat of the van. (y/n) stretched her back, hearing some cracks and pops as she fixed herself into a comfortable position.

Suddenly, the intercom in the front of the van was flashing, making a ringing noise. Heavy turned towards the sleeping Scout and slapped his arm, waking him up. “Huh, what?” Then, he saw the flashing lights of the intercom. “Oh,” he said. He pressed the answered button, making a woman appear on the screen. “Scout it’s Pauling, tell me you got the briefcase.” (y/n) heard Ms. Pauling and slowly got out of her position, looking over the passenger seat. “Yeah sure,” Scout replied. “And nobody saw you,” asked Ms. Pauling, a bit of sarcasm in her voice. (y/n) knew what she was going to say and groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I knew I should’ve double checked the area,” she muttered. Scout wasn’t so sure about his answer. “Uh, basically nobody,” he said. Ms. Pauling replied quickly. “Scout, I’m here right now.” Scout stammered, “Well, that’s a funny story.” (y/n) decided to tell Ms. Pauling that it was her fault that they have been spotted. Before she could reply, Soldier pushed himself through the small hole in between the van, pushing (y/n) out of the way. “Hello Ms. Pauling!” He said with enthusiasm. “We killed everybody and took a briefcase!” “Not everybody,” (y/n) mumbled, pushing a strand of her hair back. Ms. Pauling continued to speak. “Not everybody Soldier. You left seven witnesses’ guys.” Then, a bloody hand appeared on the screen behind her, which she turned around and shot. “Six,” she corrected. (y/n) gently pushed Soldier back and stuck her head out. “I’m so sorry Ms. Pauling,” (y/n) said. “I should’ve checked the area again, but I was being very careless at that time. I promise you it won’t happen again.” Ms. Pauling sighed. “Okay (y/n), I was expecting more from you.” (y/n) sighed. “I know, I’ll do better next time so you’re not left with more dirty work.”

The van slowed down as it entered a secret pathway to their base. “Look, just keep the briefcase safe okay?” Asked Ms. Pauling. “Have a good weekend guys.” Once the van stopped, Soldier said, “Goodbye Ms. Pauling! I’m leaving the van now!” “Bye bye, okay then,” Scout said. Before (y/n) got out, she heard Scout continue to talk. “Hey, Ms. Pauling! Before you go, uh…” He began to stammer, watching as Ms. Pauling was moving another body. (y/n) raised her eyebrow at his stammering. “Just ask her already,” she thought. Ms. Pauling was waiting for Scout to finish. “Scout what? Say something,” she said. Scout asked, “You’re probably real busy this weekend, right?” Ms. Pauling wiped her hands. “Funny you should mention that, um…looks like I will be burying bodies all weekend,” she said, picking up an axe. “So that you don’t go to jail,” she finished. (y/n) rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Oh g-good, so we’re both busy,” he stuttered. (y/n) slapped her hand against her face. “What an idiot,” she muttered. Ms. Pauling gave him a weird look, making Scout rub his neck in embarrassment. Sirens rang through the intercom, making Ms. Pauling leave. “Oh, got to go.” Once the intercom shut down, Scout fell back in his seat.

“Lot of people busy, with business,” he said in disappointment. (y/n) got out and leaned against the door with an unamused expression. Spy walked past them, a cigarette in between his fingers. “Asking out that dial tone again I see,” he said in his French accent. (y/n) glared at his rude comment. “Got to hell Spy,” Scout replied, getting out of the van. (y/n) stood up and walked next to him. “Scout, you have to step up your game.” Scout made a small sound, almost like a chuckle. “Step up my game?” he said in that Boston accent. “I don’t need to step up my game, I am the game.” (y/n) rolled her eyes. “That didn’t make any sense you know,” she said. Soldier began fixing the van as Demoman teleported somewhere else. (y/n) placed a hand on his shoulder. “Scout, I know you want to ask out Ms. Pauling but,” (y/n) looked for a way to put things nicely for him. “She’s totally out of your league plus, you’re so scared that it just, well… it doesn’t go together. You don’t even have the guts to ask her out man.” Scout brushed her shoulder away. “I’ve got guts, I’ve got plenty of it.” (y/n) rolled her eyes again. “Scout, you literally had twenty-seven times to ask her out and all you do is gobble like a turkey.” Scout brushed her comment off and walked towards a wooden table with one of Engineer’s teleporters on top of it. Medic and Engineer were on the other side of the table, looking at Scout. “Hey, look at all this,” he waved his hand around. “What have you two eggheads been working on?” He tossed his keys in between them, but neither of them caught it, both wearing a serious expression. “Nice catch,” he said slowly. (y/n) looked between the two of them, sensing a change in the atmosphere. What they didn’t know was the true danger among them.


	2. Three Days to Live

(y/n) set her mechanical bow down on a wooden crate and stood next to Scout with her arms crossed, a look of concern spread across her face. “What happened?” She asked them. Engineer picked up his remote for the teleporter. “Yeah, listen ah…” he said. “We’ve been running some experiments on the teleporter.” (y/n) leaned closer near the table, knowing all too well that there was a problem. Heavy and Soldier joined in as well, curious to know the situation. Engineer pressed the button, turning the teleporter and spinning. Then, a loaf of bread appeared. (y/n) gave a questioning look at Medic, who looked back at her. “I… don’t’ really see the problem with that. The teleporter looks alright to me, if not perfect.” “It’s not the teleporter that you should be worried about.” His blue eyes told her that there was more to this than that. Scout looked at the bread and began his usual sarcasm. “Wow, you can teleport bread. That is, big news.” Medic picked up the bread with his two hands and ripped it in half, revealing green slime inside of the bread. (y/n) gagged. “That’s disgusting!” Scout backed away in disgust. “Ah, what the hell is that?” “Tumors,” Medic said in his thick German accent. (y/n) looked away at the sight of the pulsating slime. “Get that thing away from me Medic,” she said in disgust. Medic shrugged, lowering the mutated bread. Engineer spoke. “Y’all know what this means, right?”

Suddenly, Scout was grabbed by Soldier, who slammed him against the table with force. “Ah, we cannot teleport bread anymore!” He held his fist up to punch Scout’s face, but (y/n) was quick enough to stop him. “Easy Soldier.” Then, Engineer walked next to him and patted his back. “Whoa, whoa! Not exactly Soldier,” he said to calm him down. “You teleport as much bread as you like.” Soldier slowly lowered his fist and released Scout, who nodded his head in agreement. Engineer continued. “That goes for all of ya. If there’s something that any of y’all wanted to do before you-well…died, now would be a good time.” (y/n) looked at him in shock. “Wait, what do you mean by ‘died’ exactly? You mean, that we’re infected with tumors as well ever since we used the teleporter?!” Engineer nodded his head slowly. Her hands gripped her arms in fear at the thought of tumors growing inside of her body. Spy, who was leaning against the wall, asked, “How long before these tumors kill us?” Medic began pacing around, calculating. “Well, let’s see here. We all use the teleporter let’s say, six times a day, times four years, minus we’re not bread,” he thought for a moment before looking at them. “Three days, yes,” he said. “We all have three days to live.” (y/n) almost lost her balance from the answer. “Three days,” she thought. Almost everyone was shocked, except for Soldier, who was counting three days with his fingers. Suddenly, Demoman appeared out of the teleporter with a hat and a pack of beer in his hands.

“WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOO!” He looked at everyone’s faces. “Woo.” Everyone stared at him until he said, “What?” (y/n) groaned, uncrossing her arms, and turned towards Medic. “Are you sure it’s three days?” Medic nodded. “Yes, I’m absolutely sure of it!” (y/n) flinched at Medic’s answer. She was hoping that for once Medic was wrong about his calculations. “Then we haven’t got much time to live, or maybe we could find the solution to our problem, yes?” Engineer chimed in. “Well, not exactly. Ya see, Medic and I are going to run some tests on the teleporter, see what we’ve got.” He patted her back, trying to reassure her. “Don’t worry darlin’, we’ll find a cure…soon.” The last word sent a shiver down her spine. “Yeah…soon,” she muttered. “But how soon?” she thought. She felt someone slap her back, making her look and see Scout. “Hey, don’t worry toots. I’m sure they’ll find a solution before we even die; this is Engineer and Medic! With both, they can find it quick enough.” (y/n) cracked a smile at him, making him do the same. “I suppose you’re right,” she said. Then, she slapped his shoulder. “Still not going to make you man enough to ask Ms. Pauling out.” His smile disappeared and was replaced with a pout. “Hey, that ain’t true!” (y/n) laughed. “Sure Scout, whatever you say.”


	3. Stink Lines

Spy reported everyone to gather around the card table. (y/n) pulled up a chair next to Scout and sat down. When she looked over, Scout was smirking. (y/n) raised an eyebrow at him, knowing that he was up to something. She elbowed him in the arm, getting his attention. “Ow, what the heck was that for?” He said, rubbing his now sore arm. (y/n) leaned over and whispered, “I know you’re up to something, spill it now.” Scout made a noise of disagreement. “It’s nothing,” he said. She leaned back in her chair, looking at him. Once everyone was comfortable, Spy appeared with a bucket.

“This,” he said while setting the bucket down on the table, “is a bucket.” Soldier gasped. “Dear god.” Spy said to him, “There’s more.” Soldier reeled back. “No!” Spy gave Soldier a strange look while (y/n) stifled a laugh at Soldier’s stupidity, but then composed herself and focused on the situation. Spy gave her a look before he continued. “It contains the dying wish of every man here.” Then he looked at (y/n), who looked at him with an unamused expression. “And woman,” he said slowly, correcting himself. “Scout,” he said, making him turn back to face him. “Did you collect everyone’s dying wish?” Scout nodded, “You bet!” (y/n) raised an eyebrow. “Wait,” she thought, “I never gave Scout my dying wish, in fact, I never even made one.” Spy said, “Excellent. Gentlemen,” he nodded towards (y/n), “and fine ladies, synchronize your death watches.” Everyone had a watch on their wrist and pressed a button. The watch beeped as every second passed. (y/n) felt as if she could feel the time, each second slowly mocking her as her death was coming soon. Spy walked around the table. “We have seventy hours to live. For most men, no time at all,” he said, placing a hand on Heavy’s back. “We are not most men, we are mercenaries. We have the resources, the will, to make these hours count.” (y/n) gave a small smile at his speech. She fixed the hem of her red shirt, watching as Spy walked back to the bucket, glancing around at everyone. “The clock is ticking ladies and gentlemen,” he said in a low voice. “Let’s begin.”

Once Spy reached his hand into the bucket, (y/n) saw Scout trying to stifle his laughter from the corner of her eye. She glanced back at Spy, who pulled the first card from the bucket. “What did he do this time?” She thought, eyeing the white card. “Our first dying wish is Scout’s.” He gave a small smile as he announced. “He’s-” However, once Spy examined the card, his smile disappeared, replaced with disappointment, “drawn a picture of me getting hit by a car.” Scout started chuckling at Spy’s reaction. (y/n) tried to glare at Scout, but she somehow found herself quietly giggling. Spy looked closer at the picture. “I have something radiating off of me,” Spy said, looking at Scout. Scout said, “Yeah those are stink lines, that’s why the car hit him, ‘cause he smells.” (y/n) broke out into a giggling mess, making Spy give a small glare. (y/n) said, “I’m sorry, it’s so mean but funny at the same time.” Spy rolled his eyes at him. “Yes, I see that. Here you’ve drawn me having…. sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower,” he frowned at the picture as he looked at another card. “The Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me.”. (y/n) couldn’t help but give a small laugh while Scout laughed out loud. Spy glanced back at him and at the other card. “Now both of us relaxing post-coitus,” Spy said, which gave Demoman a confused look while Scout was silently laughing. (y/n) placed a hand over her mouth to stop laughing as Spy continued reading the cards. “I’m crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines coming off of it.” Then, he snapped. “Did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?!” Scout was recovering from laughing. “Heh, classic Scout,” he said.

Spy got up; his face filled with disappointment. “Fantastic, this was a huge waste of my time,” Soldier raised his card, saying, “You did not read mine.” Spy sighed, “Does it say you want the bucket?” “Yes!” Spy slid the bucket to him, who gladly took it as everyone parted ways. Spy threw his used cigarette and took out another one from his kit. “See you all in hell,” he said, lighting it. (y/n) leaned back into her chair, placing her feet on the table. “You know, he was just joking around,” she said. Spy paced around the table. “Scout is an immature rat; I do not have time for his antics. Even you know that we don’t have the time to waste,” he said. (y/n) closed her eyes. “I know, it’s a shame that I have to die like this. I must worry about my death instead of enjoying life itself. I had so many things to look towards to and now, there’s not much time for it.” She said in a dramatic way. Spy rolled his eyes, blowing out a puff of smoke. “Still, it is true,” he said. He glanced towards her and stared. “It is a shame how a young beautiful woman like you has to die, you would’ve had a bright future.” (y/n) looked at him and laughed. “Maybe, but what about you and the others? You still have a future, you may not see it but, it’s there.” Spy huffed. “That is what you may say, but I do not guarantee that. If you need me, I will be in my room,” he said as he walked out.

Soldier hugged the bucket as he walked down the hallway, looking down at the bucket. Suddenly, he saw Medic and Engineer pushing a cart with loaves of bread and two teleporters. A loaf of bread fell off the cart as they walked away, making Soldier gasp. He stared at the bread on the floor, waiting for him. Soldier gave a smirk and picked it up, chuckling.


	4. One Condition

(y/n) sat in the kitchen, glancing at her watch. The numbers taunted as the hand ticked away. “Fifty-eight hours left,” she mumbled to herself. Suddenly, she heard footsteps. (y/n) looked up to see Scout walk past her. “Hey speedster, where you going?” When Scout looked back at her, she noticed a card in his big hands. “Oh uh,” he scratched the back of his head. “Nothing much, just going to Spy’s room.” He turned and walked out of the kitchen, her eyes watching him go. (y/n) decided to follow him, catching up. “Woah there, you never go to Spy’s room.” She walked next to him. “This must be a big deal if you’re going to Spy.” Scout scratched his neck and brushed his hair. “Well, you know.” “No, I don’t know Scout,” she said smartly. Scout sighed. “Alright doll, here’s the deal,” he said to her. “I really do have a dying wish.” (y/n) smirked, crossing her arms. “Let me guess, a drawing of Spy not only getting hit by a car, but giving the Eiffel Tower a “job”, yes?” Scout chuckled. “I wish I could draw that, but no. I wanted to ask Ms. Pauling out and…” (y/n) thought for a moment before realizing what he was going to do. “Oh, I see now,” she said. Scout turned away. “Yeah, so what?” (y/n) laughed, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I can’t believe you’re going to ask the person you hate for advice to ask out girls.” Scout nudged her shoulder. “Yeah, so what?”(y/n) leaned against him to emphasize her dramatic gesture. “Loveless Scout asking the expert of romance and love from the French.” Scout pushed her off and sniggered. “You got a problem with that toots?” (y/n) shook her head and laughed. “No, I just want to see what happens, especially after today.”

She and Scout continued walking until they arrived at Spy’s room. In the room, Spy was sitting on his rich leather chair, reading a newspaper and drinking alcohol. The fireplace was on, the flames dancing and illuminating the dark room. Suddenly, he heard a few knocks on his door. “Go away,” he shouted without looking. Scout slowly opened the door, peeking his head in. “Hey, ah, got a second?” Spy recognized that the voice belonged to Scout. “Oh Scout, please, go fuck yourself.” (y/n) sniggered as Scout gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah. Hey that’s, that’s funny. Um, anyway I-” Before Scout could finish, Spy tried to slam the door on him, making Scout squished against the door. “Wait, ow!” Scout repeated, trying to open the door again, but Spy wouldn’t let him. “Come on Spy,” Scout said while Spy had his butterfly knife ready to stab him. “I’m wedging my head through the door here to tell you I’m sorry!” Scout grunted. Spy realized what he said and rolled his eyes, letting the door open for Scout to come in as he put his knife away. “Make it quick,” he said as he lit a cigarette. Then, (y/n) stepped in. “Wow Scout,” she mocked. “Never thought you were one to apologize.” Scout huffed. “Shut up (y/n).”

Spy gave a questioning look to her. (y/n) shrugged. “I’m only spectating here.” She smirked as he continued. “So, I did write down a last wish. I’d ah, like to go on a date with Ms. Pauling.” Spy turned to look at him. “You?” He said. “You’re terrible with girls.” (y/n) chuckled, imagining Scout trying to pick up girls. “What? No. No. No. Spy, look at this.” Scout said. “And this,” he said while motioning to his arm. (y/n) rolled her eyes, knowing that he was pointing to his “muscle”. “And this here.” He waved his hand around his face. “Spy look at all of this,” he said, motioning himself. “Heh, no I am great with girls.” (y/n) laughed at this, earning a glare from Scout. “You Spy,” he said. “You are amazing with ladies.”

(y/n) nodded in agreement to give him credit, making Spy smirk at her. (y/n) scoffed. “Please, don’t push my buttons Spy.” Spy continued listening to Scout. “You know, the classy ones. The kind that smell good and can read, and always have their glasses on just kind of crooked, you know? The ones that don’t go for a guy like me.” Spy thought for a moment. “Hmm, and why is that do you think?” Scout said, “C’mon Spy, I don’t know.” However, (y/n) knew what was going on and turned to Spy. “You’re really going to make him have a hard time, aren’t you?” Spy fixed his suit. “You think it would be that easy?” (y/n) hesitated. “There’s no way that Spy is going to make him say that,” she thought with a giggle. “Well a mystery we will take to our graves then. Goodbye,” Spy said with sarcasm.

He turned to his desk where there was more of his alcohol as he poured himself another glass. Scout followed. “Wait, wait!” He groaned, knowing what he had to say. “Okay look, fine. Spy, this never leaves this room.” Scout sighed. “You are better than me alright? I need your help.” (y/n) stood next to Scout, looking at Spy’s answer. He turned to her and gave her his all-knowing smirk. She couldn’t help but smirk herself. “I’ll do it,” Spy said, “on one condition.” Spy pressed a red button, making a microphone appear. He blew on it, making a high sound to get everyone’s attention. “Say that,” Spy said as he pushed the microphone towards Scout, “again.” (y/n) laughed in response. Scout looked at him in shock and back towards the microphone. “Oh, this is going to be fun,” (y/n) said, making Spy look at her in agreement. Scout leaned in and began his speech. “Spy… is better than me- “At screwing guys!” (y/n) yelled, interrupting the speech. She could hear laughter coming from a far room as Scout began hysterically laughing while Spy ducked his head down in embarrassment and glared at (y/n), who was laughing on the floor. “Oh my god!” Tears came to her eyes as Scout patted her back, doubling over.

“Merde, what the hell (y/n)?” Spy glared at her. (y/n) wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help it; I had my chance to take it.”


	5. Seduce Me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So in this one, it's more like a Spy/Reader thing. There is a hint of an edge of romance, and I added more about your character. There is a back story to the character, which I will describe later in the series of stories. Overall, please talk to me about any error mistakes or if you have any ideas or advice, I would be glad to take them as well. Constructive criticism is important from viewers, so please don't be shy!

(y/n) sat in her room, polishing her knife, making the moonlight reflect off it. She sighed, sitting at the side of the bed. “There’s nothing to do here anymore,” she said out loud. (y/n) opened her window, feeling the cold desert breeze caress her face. Suddenly, a little brown bird landed on her windowsill, making her gaze down. “Ha…” she said as the bird looked up at her. “You don’t have to worry about dying, or even babysitting nine children,” she said. The bird cocked its head to the side, as if it understood her. She gave a small smile. “You on the other hand, you get to be free, fly wherever you want to go. I’m stuck here with mercenaries who kill for a living just for entertainment purposes.” (y/n) slowly reached her soft index finger towards the bird. It jumped back and flew as she watched his disappear into the night sky. (y/n) got up and closed the window, flopping down on the bed. “What to do…” she mumbled.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, followed by a voice. “Mon amie, may I come in?” Realizing it was Spy, she stood up and opened the door. He stood there with Scout on the right, who had his arms crossed. (y/n) looked at them back and forth. “What do you want now?” she asked. Spy exhaled a puff of smoke, making (y/n) reel back and wave it away with her hand. “Good lord,” she complained. “Do you ever not smoke? I told you many times there’s no smoking in my room.” Spy snorted, rolling his eyes. “I’m not going to stop anytime amie.” “Of course, you’re not,” said (y/n). Spy smirked. “Anyway,” he spoke. “You are going to help me teach Scout how to properly ask a woman out.” (y/n) looked at him with a questioning look. “Why should I have to help you guys out, shouldn’t you be the one doing all the teaching?” Spy sighed. “Well, in order for Scout to practice how to properly ask a lady out to dinner, it is more reasonable that he practices on a real lady, which you seem to be the only one here.” (y/n) snorted. “That’s funny, because I seem to be looking at one right now,” she said jokingly as she gazed up at Spy. Scout laughed but was elbowed in the stomach by Spy. “I get your little joke there amor, but we do not have much time.” (y/n) sighed, looking at Scout who was holding his stomach. He was right, there wasn’t much time for them to waste; they were all going to die anyway. “Fine,” she said, stepping out and closing her door. “Where do we start?”

…

(y/n) checked her watch again. “Fifty-one hours until death…” she muttered. Spy was placing something in a cart as Scout stood in the middle of the training room with (y/n) on his right. “Exactly what am I supposed to be doing?” (y/n) asked. Once Spy finished setting up, he gave a gentle push, making the cart roll and stop in front of Scout. The cart had a bucket of chicken, wine glasses, a wine bottle, a vase with a red rose on it, and a heart-shaped box of chocolates.

“Seduce me,” Spy said in a casual tone. (y/n) slowly turned to him and looked at him with wide eyes. “What the heck did you just say?” Scout looked around, shocked and unsure. The only thing Scout said was, “You?” “Seduce me,” Spy said, this time in a much more serious tone. “What, Spy I ain’t gonna-” “Seduce me!” Spy yelled. (y/n) whispered loudly, “Quiet down, unless you want people around here to think you’re interested in boys!” Scout placed his hands up. “Right, okay,” he repeated. He glanced at the cart and picking up the bucket filled with chicken. He settled himself before starting to walk towards Spy. “Hey there, good lookin’,” he said. (y/n) pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “I got a bucket of chicken-” Suddenly, Spy slapped him, making the chicken scatter all over the floor and his headpiece fall off. Scout held his now red face as Spy spoke. “I’m not one of your chicken tramps,” he said as he grabbed the mannequin filled with bullet holes behind him.

“I’m a woman, I like my men dangerous, mysterious, you want to be my lover? Earn it,” he said, as he made the mannequin do hand movements. “Seduce me!” Spy yelled once again, making the mannequin slap Scout. Spy made a smirk on content. As hard as it was for Scout, (y/n) knew Spy was going to enjoy this as much as she did. “That still doesn’t explain why I’m here you know,” she said, getting their attention. “Ah yes, I almost forgot,” Spy said, walking over to her. “You are going to help us with some parts to teach him how to seduce women.” (y/n) raised an eyebrow. “How come he didn’t seduce me and instead seduced you?” Spy chuckled. “That I did on purpose,” he said.

(y/n) thought for a moment before giving a devilish smile. “Oh Spy,” she taunted. “Don’t tell me you’re coming out of the closet. I didn’t know you wanted men like Scout to start seducing you.” Spy realized what she said. “Even if he was the last man on Earth, I would never do anything with that filthy boy.” “Hey!” Scout projected. (y/n) laughed and calmed down for a moment. “Well then, I suppose we shall get started,” she said.


	6. Training... Um... Sort Of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this one is a little long. :)

(y/n) watched from a chair as Spy taught Scout about dinner dates on a chalkboard. Scout watched closely and started taking notes when Spy began describing the gentlemen conduct. (y/n) sighed in boredom as she wondered when she was going to come in to help. “The gentlemen should always hold the door open for the lady when she is about to walk in,” he states as he goes over the rules. Scout writes more in his notebook.

(y/n) begins to wonder more about the “conduct” that gentlemen are usually supposed to follow. So far in her life, she has never been on a date before, due to her having to run away all the time and move from place to place to escape her father’s wrath. She never even heard of a gentlemen’s code in her life, so she began to think of what her first date should be like whenever she has the time. Spy began to go over the other rules: pulling out a chair for a lady, holding the umbrella for her when it’s raining, opening the car door for her, and treating her with respect. All this made (y/n) think about conduct: do a lot of people know about this, do they agree with the conduct, or do they ignore the conduct and work on their own terms? She thought about this and didn’t realize that Spy was calling out her name.

“(y/n)!” She jumped up in her seat as she turned towards Spy, who was waiting with his arms cross. (y/n) scratched the back of her neck. “Sorry Spy, I was thinking of something else.” Spy pinched the bridge of his nose and repeated what he said. “We are moving along to the dining room to teach about mannerism.” Spy begins to walk out, beckoning her and Scout to come along. All three walked into another room with a long dining table decorated with lighted candles and a vase with a single rose. (y/n) immediately picked up on music that was playing and looked to see Demoman playing a piano and Sniper playing the sax. “Well, I didn’t know that they could play instruments,” said (y/n). Pyro was standing next to a lone chair at the table, holding a bottle of wine. He gave a small wave to (y/n), in which she did one to return. Scout looked around and unsure of himself. Spy gestured for him to sit down in the seat next to Pyro as he began to pick up a bucket of chicken. Scout took a seat and looked around as Spy comes next to him and makes a gesture towards the chicken. Scout looks at Spy and eyes the chicken, looking like he couldn’t wait to dig in. He begins to pick up his fork and dig into the bucket when Spy quickly slaps his hand, causing the fork to fly and hit Demoman. Thankfully, the fork digs into his eyepatch as he stops playing and looks at the silver material in fear. (y/n) took a deep breath and turned towards Spy with a weary look on her face. “This was going to be a long day,” she said.

…

(y/n) watched as she sat in a chair as Spy started to teach Scout how to dance. “Now Scout, every woman loves a man who can dance,” he said as he begin to turn on the radio player. “I want you to show me how it’s done.” Scout shrugs his shoulders. “Okay then.” Spy begins to play his music as Scout gets into the beat. He begins to move side to side and nod his head. “Oh yeah,” he says in approval. Soon, he begins to move freely with his arms flailing around and snapping his fingers. “He’s getting in the music faster than I thought,” (y/n) said as she watched from the sidelines. She looks to at Spy to see him shaking his head in disapproval. (y/n) taps his shoulder as he looks at her. She then starts to imitate Scout as she dances and snaps her fingers, making him groan and look away. “Oh, come on Spy lighten up,” she said to him. “How can we lighten up when we do not have time for such games?” (y/n) came to a sway. “Well, if we are going to die, we can at least make the most with fun and games, you know.” Spy thought about it for a moment before he brushed it off. “Scout, stop dancing.” Scout halted in his dance and looked at him. “What’s up chuckle nuts?” Spy ignored his nickname and turned towards (y/n). “This is where you come in, my dear.” (y/n) thought for a moment and then realized where this was going. “I’m going to help Scout learn how to dance?” Spy nodded his head. “Of course, amor, the art of dancing cannot be accomplished without another partner.” (y/n) stared at him. “Spy,” she said, “I can’t dance that well.” Spy shook his head and clasped his hands behind his back. “No worry,” he said, “I will teach you as well.”

Spy turned to the station and changed the music to a more subtle and softer song. It played a soft and relaxing slow-dancing song that filled the room with ease. Spy stepped in the middle of the dancefloor and offered (y/n) a hand. She felt hesitant as Scout watched. She has never danced with anyone before in her life. All she could do was sway from side to side or mimic someone for fun, but never has she danced with a partner before. It was these things that made (y/n) realize how much she was missing from her life. She spent so much time trying to run from her father for so long that she never once stopped to take in account all the fun she was missing. Sometimes she used to look out café windows and stare at couples who would sway, dance, and giggle with each other that would put her mind at ease, but she would also feel a pang of sadness. It would have been nice to share her life with one person she could be intimate with. She realized how long it has been since she even held someone’s hand or even experience a hug, much less dancing, and this whole situation wasn’t really helping with her realization either, considering her life was on a time limit.

She stared at his hand and slowly walked over to him, slowly placing her hand onto his outstretched palm. He slowly clasped his hand over hers and gently pulled her towards him. Spy guided her other hand to lay on his shoulder as he delicately placed a hand around her waist. He kept a moderate distance between them as (y/n) made a soft gulp. She started to feel warmth flowing through her face as a light blush began to appear. She tried to keep it down for the time being by focusing on the dancing steps. Spy began to talk. “Now, I want you to follow my lead in my steps,” he said. He began taking a step forward, which by instinct, made (y/n) take a step back. Then, he started to take a step back, and she hesitantly placed her foot forward. He started to repeat the pattern with a swaying motion as they began a slow and soft dance. (y/n) felt embarrassed and a little nervous. She had never felt this close to people, especially like this. Sure, Engineer would give her a pat on the back and Scout would place a hand on her shoulder, but this felt different than any other contact she had. To help ease her increasing temperature, she slowly glanced away to try to take her mind off. Spy noticed her facial expression was dusted with a soft pink and he gave a small smirk. He led her for awhile in the dance and started try to twirl her around. She caught on quite quickly, as she used to see couples do this for fun. (y/n) felt herself twirl around the room as she felt his hand land back on her waist.

Both kept a moderate pace, but (y/n) began to enjoy this moment. She felt a small smile come to her face as she began to enjoy the experience that she never had. She turned back and stared at Spy, who seemed to stare at her with a reassuring and soft look. He gave her waist a soft and delicate squeeze, as if she were a fragile and pure flower that could break in one touch. (y/n) blushed a bit and continued to enjoy her dance. “You seem to be enjoying this,” Spy commented. (y/n) gave a small and nervous laugh. “Well, I have never danced with anyone before.” Spy looked at her. “Really?” He questioned. (y/n) nodded her head and slightly turned away. “I never really had the time to dance and this is certainly a new experience for me, but I do like it.” Spy gave a small smile. “Hm, I shall say that I certainly am lucky to be dancing with such a dashing young woman like you for my last hours. At least it’s better than dancing with,” he moves his head towards Scout, “him as a partner. He wouldn’t know the difference between a left foot and a right foot.” “I hope you go to hell Spy,” he said in the corner. “Good, I might see you there as well.” Spy retorted back. (y/n) gave a small laughter. “Funny, I might be there first before any of you.” She glanced up at Spy. “Thank you for this experience,” she said, “it means a lot to me.” Spy nodded his head. “Well, I should thank you more for the honor of dancing with a lovely lady.”

The dancing finally came to an end as he suddenly grabbed her tight and made a dip. She used both of her arms to quickly encircle around his neck as she neared the floor, him closer than ever. She gave a nervous laugh as he slowly raised her to a standing position. “And that is how you dance,” he said as he gave a small bow and kissed her hand. (y/n) rolled her eyes as she felt her cheeks warmed up again, but quickly retorted. “Not bad for being a suave, but now it’s time for you boyfriend to start trying.” Scout blew a raspberry at her and she did one back as well. Spy walked back to restart the song. “Now Scout, I want you to try to dance with (y/n).” “Alright.” Scout loosened up his shoulders and started jumping a bit. “Scout, this is dancing. You’re not getting ready to hit a ball at a baseball game.” (y/n) said. Scout rolled his eyes. “Well toots, I’m just warming up so you can be prepared for my sharp skills on dancin’.” He quickly got in position and placed his hand lazily on her waist as she placed a hand on his shoulder. They got in the same position as Spy; but when the music began, and Scout started to try and mimic Spy’s movements he quickly did a dip. (y/n), who was unprepared, was only able to grab his shoulder hard as the back of her head hit the ground. She groaned as her head began to throb with pain. However, Scout continued and lifted her up, doing a twirl, giving her little time to recover from her developing bump. (y/n) suddenly felt herself going dizzy as she was twirled around, losing her grip on his shoulders as she spun around and crashed right in the station, falling to the ground, and shattering the radio with her. She moaned in pain as she began to see double vision from the spinning. Spy facepalmed as he saw the mess while Scout stood there with his lips making a small “o” on his face. (y/n) slowly sat up, clutching her head and groaning. “If the tumors aren’t going to kill me first then it’s going to be Scout.” Oh yeah, it was going to be a long night.

…

It was 2 hours until death. Scout was seated in a ring area in the dark as Spy was in a corner as (y/n) stood next to him. The lights flashed on as Scout shielded his eyes from the harsh stimulation. “Final question,” Spy said, “You have a dinner date for seven. What time do you arrive?” Scout, who seemed confident in his answer, put his game mode on. “Seven A.M. Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not, I got to kill him.” Spy paced around the room in thought as (y/n) looked at him with a look of concern and a “what the heck am I hearing” face. “Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy, no later than 4:30.” (y/n) looked in disbelief. “Scout, what the hell this isn’t a mafia murder, this is a date.” Spy finally stopped pacing the room as (y/n) waited for his answer.

“You’re ready,” he said. (y/n)’s eyes widen as she stared at Spy. “How the heck could he say that?” She thought. Scout was surprised. “Really?” “No,” Spy suddenly said. “Everything you just said was insane and we are out of time.” (y/n) flailed her arms. “What. The. Hell. Spy.” Spy walked up to Scout and offered him a drink. “Congratulations, you’re a failure.” (y/n) walked up to Spy and Scout. “Spy, I don’t understand,” she said. “I literally followed you guys around on this stupid plan so we could help Scout get a date and now you’re saying we wasted our time?” Spy nodded to her. “As you know, we only have two hours left.” “Two hours?!” (y/n) exclaimed. “You’re telling me we wasted that much of our precious time?!” Scout had a look on his face, a different look. He stood up with his desk and said, “Oh, I failed, did I?” “Yes,” said Spy. “Did I?” “Yes,” Spy said a little harder. “Did I?” “Scout, where is this going?” Spy had a confused look on his face, as did (y/n). “Where it’s going is,” said Scout with confidence, “I don’t need you. I’ll put this date on myself.” “Yourself?” “That’s right fancy pants, myself.” (y/n) looked at him. “Scout, there’s only two hours left. I don’t know how you’re going to set up a date in two hours?” Scout said, “Oh, you’ll see (y/n). I’m gonna set up this date myself.” (y/n) looked back at Spy and noticed he was slightly smirking at Scout. She gave a questioning look as Scout turned to Spy. “So, why don’t you take your little failure, roll it up sideways, and…” Suddenly, Spy tapped on his watch to indicate that Scout was running out of time. Scout looked and realized. “Okay, crap. I got to go.”

He took a swing of his drink in one gulp and left. “Thanks for volunteering, (y/n),” Scout said as he began to walk away. He suddenly turned and pointed to Spy. “Screw you, though.” He said as he walked towards a panel. (y/n) looked at him and saw him walk over and press the red button. Her eyes widened in shock as he made a gesture and left as an alarm sounded throughout the building. She turned to look at Spy, who stood there chuckling. “You said that to him on purpose, didn’t you?” Spy gave a small shrug and drank some of his beverage. “What can I say, it is the only way to motivate him. Now,” he said as he downed the rest of his drink. He turned towards her and gestured to follow. “Come on, we got a date to catch.”


	7. It's Just Bread!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOO we're getting to the exciting part

Piles of green and slimy bread piled up as the room began to reek of filthy tumors. The Medic’s lab was occupied by him and Engineer as they investigated further on the matter. With only one hour to live, they worked one last time on the problem as Medic and Engineer had a teleporter set up in front of them. The red machine started up as the sound of the spinning teleporter set in. “Y’all ready?” Engineer exclaimed from the back room. Medic turned back and shouted, “Ready!” Engineer nodded his head and reached down to pick up a moldy loaf of bread. He gave it a small sniff before he gagged at the putrid smell and placed it on the active teleporter. The bread disappeared in some speckles until it reappeared on Medic’s teleporter. Suddenly, the bread began to mutate as it formed white spikes and teeth among its newly mutated body. “Oh,” Medic examined closer in amazement and curiosity at the new creature before him.

The creature let out a sickly roar as it turned its attention towards Medic. Medic let out a scream as the monster lunged at him and bit his shoulder, keeping a hold on him. Medic began screaming as he tried to pry the foul creature off. Engineer let out a “ah hell” and quickly rushed over to Medic to pry the creature off. He finally managed to grab a hold of it as its teeth let go of Medic. He pulled the creature away from their faces as he turned to Medic. “Quick, the tube!” Medic ran to snatch a specimen jar as Engineer ran towards him and quickly threw the monster inside. Before it could escape and lunge at them. Medic quickly covered it with a lid. They looked at each other as they examined the monster. “You know what this means…” Medic said as he looked at the creature. The clock was ticking as the timer hit 40 minutes.

…

The sound of a scooter was heard from a distance as Ms. Pauling drives fast towards the base. She swerves into the passage as she takes the blanket with her. She quickly comes to a stop as she grabs hold of her shotgun and walks towards the door. Her scooter slowly falls to the ground with a deafening sound, causing her to stop short to stop it with an imaginary force, but quickly brushes it off as she slams herself against the door. “Okay, you’re ready,” she says, “all right.” She takes a deep breath before loading the shotgun and opening the door.

She aims her shotgun to find people stealing the briefcase. Instead, her gun landed on a chest that belonged only to one person: Scout. She stared in disbelief and shock. “Ms. Pauling,” Scout said with a soft slur. “What an unexpected surprise,” he said as he held up a smoking pot. Ms. Pauling was oblivious to his attempt as she said, “They took the briefcase. Don’t worry, we can fix this.” She pushes Scout aside as she goes to the alert panel. “We’ll get it back and the Administrator never has to know.” She begins to type on the panel as Scout leans against it. He starts to attempt his way of seduction. “You look,” he says, “you look…ahhh…” He wasn’t quite sure of what to say right on the spot.

…

The camera was on as Spy and (y/n) sat in front of the camera system as they watched Scout and Ms. Pauling interact with each other. Demoman and Soldier were hanging out behind them watching. “Drunk!” Demo says. “Round! Soft! No,” Soldier suggests as he contemplates. “No, round!” “Blurry!” Says Demoman again as Spy puts his fingers to his temples while (y/n) rests her head against her hand in boredom and disbelief. Finally, Scout says, “Ravishing.” To their surprise, Ms. Pauling says, “Uh huh, you too.” Spy glances up and gives a small “hmm” of approval. (y/n) props her head up and nods her head. “Hm, not bad.”

Ms. Pauling finally pops a camera showing the briefcase in its place. “Hold on,” she says, “that’s the briefcase right there.” She feels anger in her system as she realizes that Scout pressed the button for no reason. “Scout, you…” when she turns around to scold him, something catches her eye. She turns her head to see something laid out for her. “Are… you having a prom?”

The room was decorated with a disco ball shining above as the room lit with speckles of light. Streamers were taped to the ceiling and hanging down as the room was decorated with some plastic marine life. Medic’s doves were flying around the room a door was surrounded by inflated balloons. A table was set up with two wine glasses and a bowl of strawberries. To say that Ms. Pauling called this a prom was clearly an understatement.

“Yeah, nah, yeah ah. Well the… yeah the thing is,” Scout kept stumbling while scratching the back of his neck. Spy and (y/n) were staring with an unsure atmosphere around them as Soldier casually leaned on the chair with a lazy grin on his face while Demonman stared with a certain look. Suddenly, Engineer and Medic slam the door and barge into the room. “Guys! Hey fellas, listen!” He exclaims with happiness. (y/n) quickly turns around as Spy gives a side view to see what’s going on. Engineer continues with his news. “It’s just bread that gets tumors!” At that moment, (y/n) felt a sigh of relief. “Really now?” Medic barges in with a jar of liquid with the monster contained. “Not even tumors,” he says. “It’s some form of self-aware beauty mark that only metastasizes in an environment of pure wheat.” He walks over to the group carrying the jar. (y/n) stares at the creature sloshing around as he nears. “Here, watch this.” Medic swishes the jar around, causing the creature to move in anger as it tries to escape. Soldier leans in and taps the glass as the creature bites the confinement. “Oh look, it hates me so much!” Medic exclaims as (y/n) rolls her eyes. Soldier and Medic give a laugh as Engineer walks up to both of them, putting his arms around both men. “So, we’re fine; as long as nobody teleports any bread.” (y/n) feels a smile come to her face as she raises a fist in the air. “I’m not dying yet!” Spy feels a bit of relief come to his chest as he turns towards her. “It seems that we have escaped yet again.”

“Question,” asks Soldier. “What’s your question, Soldier?” Engineer asks as he turns his attention towards him. Who knew that the happy ending would end so soon as the words leave Soldier’s mouth: “I teleported bread.” Engineer slowly took his arms off the both men. “What…” he drawled as he processed what he said. (y/n) stood there going back and forth between them. “Oh no,” she muttered as their facial expressions changed from happy to angry. Soldier continued talking. “You told me to.” Medic backed away from them as his grip tightened the jar of the unyielding creature. Engineer took a step towards Soldier. “How much?” The whole room was quiet as the tension grew. (y/n) and Spy looked at each other with concerned and scared faces as they awaited the answer. “I have done nothing, but teleport bread for three days.” Without warning, Medic slammed the specimen down in anger as it scurried off to wherever it was going. (y/n) saw anger etched upon his face as he strode to Soldier. “Where?!” He asked as he grabbed him by the collar and started shaking him. “Where have you been sending it?!” As if on cue, the room began to shake as a deep rumble past through the room. The floors vibrated as (y/n) held on to the chair. She looked up at the ceiling as the lights shook for a moment before everything settled down. “Guys,” she said as everyone turned their attention towards her, “get your weapons ready.”


	8. Rise of the Living Bread

The room shook as Ms. Pauling and Scout look around for a moment before it stops. She brushed it off, thinking it was probably Medic doing some crazy experiment again. Her attention went to Scout as she began to get upset. “Scout, I get one day off a year, and you just wasted it on,” she glances around the room, “this. Goodbye.” She begins to leave before Scout quickly speaks up. “Wait, wait, wait! Ah, why don’t we discuss this,” he says as he goes to the dining area door and opens it, revealing a large monster size loaf of bread with angry teeth, “over dinner?” The monster lets out a loud roar.

“What the hell is that?!” Ms. Pauling exclaims as Scout quickly grabs her and pulls her out of the way before the monster clamps down its mouth. The monster pushes itself out the doorway and into the room, chomping its jaws at them. Ms. Pauling and Scout back away as a loose dove makes its way past them and towards the creature. The dove is quickly swallowed whole by the monster as it clamps its jaws shut. Ms. Pauling and Scout feel the floor begin to collapse from the monster’s sheer weight. Suddenly, the whole floor falls apart as both lose their footing, sliding down to the ground floor of the base. The monster falls with them as Ms. Pauling slams her side against it and falls to the floor. She slowly gets up as her glasses hang from her face. Scout falls and bounces off the monster, landing perfectly on his feet. He quickly gets in front of her as he picks up a loose pole. Ms. Pauling quickly adjusts her glasses and gets up as Scout shouts, “Ms. Pauling, run!” She quickly runs towards a spare bomb in the cart as Scout attempts to fight the monster off.

As Ms. Pauling rests against the cart, the entire team shows up with their weapons as they gaze upon the monster. Sniper quickly takes the high ground as he climbs up to a second platform. Spy turns towards (y/n) as he loads his revolver. “I’ll try to find a weak spot,” he said as he disappears. (y/n) loads her bow as she gets ready to pull it back. Heavy, who’s in the frontline, turns to Medic and shouts, “Now doctor!” Medic nods as he activates his ubercharge and Heavy is consumed with a red cover. He quickly fires his machine gun towards the creature as Pyro aims his flamethrower at the creature. (y/n) quickly moves to the side as she begins to fire with her bow at the creature, damaging the side of its massive body. The creature waves a tentacle and slams it against a wall, causing it to crumble and hit Heavy; however, he recovers due to his ubercharged body. Some debris falls near (y/n) as she looks up and quickly rolls out of the way. A tentacle comes towards her and she quickly leaps up and shoots her bow at it, causing it to rupture and detach from the monster.

Ms. Pauling turns as she stares at the bomb that was behind her. As she stares at it, an idea comes to her mind.

The team continued fighting the monster as it turned its attention towards Pyro when he steps on one of its tendrils. The monster quickly lunges at him until he activates his flamethrower, making the creature scream in pain. Engineer fires up a sentry as Demoman throws his grenades at the creature. Heavy is still firing with his machine gun as Scout quickly runs towards the monster and dodges an upcoming tendril, jumping and breaking another tendril off. (y/n) sees another tendril swinging towards her as she quickly dodges it but decides to grab it as she is swiftly taken off the floor and high in the air. She lets go of the tendril as she flies into the air and aims her bow. She starts to rapidly fire at the monster as it turns its attention towards her. The monster snaps its jaws at her as she fires at it. As she nears its face, she swings her leg and swiftly kicks its face, causing it to turn its head in pain as she hits the ground with a roll, continuing to fire at him once she lands.

Engineer continues to build his sentry up as she lands and fires next to him. “Be careful out there darlin’,” he says as another tendril swings at him and he ducks his head. (y/n) looks at him and gives him a smirk. “Engie, you know I can never pass up the opportunity for some adventure.” (y/n) empties out her slot and reloads to add another case of shells. Meanwhile, she glances over to see Ms. Pauling opening the wires and working on the bomb. (y/n) spots Scout dodging attacks as he jumps to the side and digs his weapon into the monster. Suddenly, a tendril clasps around Scout and hauls him into the air and swings him around. “Oh hell,” (y/n) murmurs as she runs towards the monster and tries to shoot at him while Pyro fires him up. (y/n) looks up towards Sniper as he’s up on the platform. “Sniper!” She shouts. He turns towards the voice and looks down. (y/n) points towards Scout in the air. Sniper nods and quickly lines his scope to save him. Using his impeccable skills, he shoots at the tendril, causing it to detach and Scout gets thrown to the ground, skidding against the gravel.

Scout quickly recovers as he gets up and charges towards the monster again. Suddenly, he’s yanked back as Spy appears next to him. “I think it’s going pretty well,” he says as he gives a soft pat on his back. An explosion occurs as dust is kicked up into the air. He cocks his gun towards the direction of Ms. Pauling as Spy says, “Now, go.” He quickly runs over to the battle as Scout dashes towards Ms. Pauling who is still working on the bomb. “Hey, Ms. Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry.” “God Scout, what for, pressing the one button you’re never supposed to press?” She retorts. “Do you have any idea what’s in a briefcase that…” she trails off as her eyes land on Scout’s death watch. “Oh! Oh! Give me your watch!” She says as she beckons him to give it to her. Scout, in all his stupidity for some reason, says, “Yeah, exactly! See, that is where this all starts!” He wraps up his watch and hands it to Ms. Pauling. Scout thinks for a moment before he realizes what he said. “No, actually wait…”

A scream is heard as Soldier is tossed and slides next to them. “Ha! Ha! Ha! I teleported bread!” He screams as another tendril wraps around him and takes him flying into the air and land in a pile of wood. The beast causes Sniper to lose his balance as he falls from the platform and lands on the ground. Before he could do anything else, a tendril wraps around his rifle. He struggles and tugs on his rifle before he gets thrown to the ground and skids to a halt. Engineer ducks as his sentry is destroyed and he sets up another sentry. (y/n) feels herself tiring out as he attempts to aim, but the tendrils kept coming at her from different directions. Another tendril comes along as she doesn’t see it coming as it aims right for her. “Look out!” A voice yells as (y/n) feels someone wrap their arms around them as their body weight carries her to the ground, the tendril just missing her by an inch. She lands on something soft rather than the ground and opens her eyes to see Spy underneath her hissing from the impact. “So, is this another lesson from gentlemen’s code?” She said with a playful tone. Spy gave a dry chuckle as she slid off and helped him up. He dusted himself off and straightened his jacket. “Well, if so, then consider this a date.” (y/n) gave a dry laugh. “Looks like the cook couldn’t be trusted after all,” she said as she gestured towards the bread.

Sniper gets back up as he quickly whips out his machete to charge back. Suddenly, a huge bomb gets in his way as he sees Scout and Ms. Pauling pushing the cart towards the monster. Scout keeps talking to Ms. Pauling as she focuses more on pushing the heavy object. “So, that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you and-” “Guys!” Ms. Pauling interrupts. “Close the blast doors!” Engineer gives a nod as he runs towards them. Medic and the others turn as they head to the doors. (y/n) and Spy look towards and quickly run with the others as well. However, (y/n) looks back to see Scout and Ms. Pauling still pushing the cart. “Wait, what about them?” She says as Spy looks back. Scout is still talking to Ms. Pauling as everyone else is behind the doors. “Look Ms. Pauling, my last few hours, I just wanted…” Suddenly, the cart is pulled away from them as the monster grabs it and begins swinging it around. (y/n) noticed the doors begin to close as she quickly rushes and grabs one side, pushing it away with all her might. Heavy comes and grabs the other side. “Come on!” He shouts as it gets harder for them to close the doors. Scout stares at the monster before he says, “Uh, never mind.” “Run!” Ms. Pauling shouts as they both head to the blast doors. Before they could get to them, the bomb comes out of nowhere and falls in front of them, blocking the entrance to the blast doors. “No!” (y/n) shouts as she and Heavy quickly move out of the way. The doors weren’t fully closed, so she could still some of Scout and Ms. Pauling. “No, they’re still in there!” She says as she tries to pry open the doors, but Medic quickly grabs her. “No, stop! We need to open them!” “It’s no use Fräulein, we have to move out of the way!” Medic drags her as the rest of the team gets away from the doors and hides behind desks and other compartments. (y/n) squirms and looks out. Spy crouches near her as they prepare for the blast. “Amie, we must wait until it is over. We can only hope that they will survive.”

Scout and Ms. Pauling turn around. “Oh god!” Scout ushers as the beast slowly makes its way towards them. As they began to back up, a tendril makes its way towards them, causing Scout to grab Ms. Pauling out of the way and run behind the cart. As the beast roars, Scout notices a white figure in the creature’s mouth. As he looks closer, he notices a dove that was eaten before. He stares at it for a moment as Ms. Pauling looks to see what it was. The dove tilts its head before it begins to fly out of the creature. Ms. Pauling looks at Scout as she grabs his hand and nods. They quickly move out of the way as another tendril smashes against the cart. He moves her out of the way as she falls into his arms, dodging the massive thing. They look at each other and give a small smile until she fires her gun and shoots the tendril. Scout quickly leads her to the beast as the timer is almost up. With three seconds left on the clock, both scream as Scout jumps and takes Ms. Pauling with him, covering her as they both dive into the monster’s jaws and disappear into its gut. The bomb goes off, causing a huge explosion to go off as the monster screams in pain and disappears into the bright light.


	9. Epilogue

A light appears as Scout flicks his spare lighter on. ‘Ahh…” he groans in pain as the stench of rotting tumors covers his nostrils. He looks towards the woman resting on his chest. “Ms. Pauling, you alright?” She quickly wakes up and starts to panic. “I can’t anything below my neck.” “Oh god.” Then, her senses begin to return to her as a searing pain shoots up her body. “Oh, now I can feel it. Ow, ow…” she hisses at the pain. Scout immediately apologizes. “Oh god, I am so sorry. This is…” Then, Ms. Pauling begins to talk. “That… was… so much fun!” Scout stopped and gave a confused look. “You’re not mad?” “I was furious, oh my god! You set off the briefcase alarm and,” she begins to drift off, “you were having a prom for some reason. But then there was this monster and we shot it and we built a bomb and I think my leg’s broken can we do this again?” Scout nods his head. “Yeah, sure!” Then, he realizes his current situation. “Wait nah, I’m gonna be dead.” Now Ms. Pauling gave him a confused look. “Wait, what?”

Out of nowhere, Soldier appears next to them. “Good news!” He exclaims. “We’re not dying, we are going to live forever!” A voice was heard from outside. “I wish,” (y/n) murmured. The surface was lifted as Heavy is revealing the three of them to the rest of the team. “I didn’t say that! I just said we’re not filled with tumors!” Medic explained as he corrected Soldier’s news. Scout laid his head back down. “Oh, thank god.” He was so relieved, as was the rest of the team. (y/n) sighed as she rubbed her head. “Well, this certainly has been quite an adventure.” She turned and smiled at Scout and Ms. Pauling, then at the rest of her team who was off doing their own thing. She gave a small smile, knowing that everyone was safe and sound. Scout started talking again. “So ya Ms. Pauling, I guess it’s a date.” Soldier gave a smile in triumph until Ms. Pauling said, “Actually, this was my only day off this year.” Scout lowered his eyes until Ms. Pauling continued. “Oh, but you can ride along with me on some jobs.” She whipped out a notepad full of lists of things to do. “Tomorrow, I’m belt sanding the fingerprints off a pile of corpses,” she said. Scout cringes. “Eh, no.” “Oh, you can help me yank the molars out of a box of heads.” “No to that.” “Well, on Friday I have to kill someone who pressed a briefcase alarm button and…” She realized her list. “Oh, uh… you’re already going to be at that one.”

Medic hauls and examines the dead creature and Engineer beckons him over to go over their observations. Pyro is busy chasing after the small bread creature that the team has forgotten while Sniper polishes his machete on top of the monster. Heavy moves away some of the tendrils as Spy whips out another cigarette and lights it, creating a puff of smoke. (y/n) comes up to him and cleans her bow. “Looks like Mr. Suave has succeeded in another mission,” she says as she tilts her head towards Scout and Ms. Pauling. Spy huffed and blew out a small puff of smoke. (y/n) purposefully coughed in his face as she waved the smoke away. “Ugh, you’re going to give everyone cancer.” Spy swatted her face away as he inhaled more of his cigarette. “Zut, you will probably kill me before this does with your annoyance.” (y/n) shrugged and flicked his ear. “Yeah, whatever you say.”


End file.
